It’s Okay To Not Be Okay
September 30, 2021 | WORDS BY LINDSEY LOCKE
All too often, we are asked to put uncomfortable emotions aside.
Be in anger, frustration, sadness, anxiousness, or fear (to name a few), we are asked to forge ahead and pretend it doesn’t exist. This can be in the name of productivity, societal standard, or your partner’s/boss’s/friend’s inability to hold your “difficult emotions.” That doesn’t mean that you don’t have the right to feel them.
What you resist persists.
Read that again: What you resist persists.
You see, emotions are funny things. They burrow in our unconscious self, costumed by “I’m fine” or “I’m over it.” It’s in those shadows that uncomfortable emotions simmer, only to be brought to a boil by triggering events that feel absolutely unrelated.
Our brain is like a filing system, filing traumatic or emotional experiences by category. Further, our bodies keep the score and store these uncomfortable experiences throughout the body. (Note: Where things are stored can be different for everyone.) So, when something painful happens and I get a wrenching feeling in my gut or my eyes start to tingle as I fight back tears, my brain will rapidly play through the rolodex of experiences that elicited this same bodily response.
Oftentimes, this causes us to be reactive instead of responsive. This reaction can be extreme anxiousness, anger, numbness, exhaustion, or disassociation — again, to name a few. We act from wounded places and deploy the same immature coping mechanisms we once used as children (a moment of silence for all of the coping mechanisms that kept us safe but are no longer effective and are ready to be replaced). This is when we hear things like “you’re overreacting” or “calm down” — which we all know in the history of ever, has NEVER made someone calm down (ha ha!).
The good news? We don’t have to fall victim to these trauma responses forever!
The less good news? It takes some work to disarm these responses (because, like I said above, these coping mechanisms have kept us safe for a long time even though they’re a bit outdated).
The answer? FEEL IT. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable emotions and, in fact, it’s healthy to feel them. One might even say “Feel it to heal it.”
All of this to say: Your feelings are valid, your emotions are okay, and you deserve to feel and heal.
When things get tough in a match and my body is redlining, having a bulletproof mind is what separates winning from losing. Learning to stay focused under that type of pressure and pace is an unstoppable skill set to have in combat sports. NCFIT has helped me achieve a lot so far in my competitive career, and I’m beyond excited to see what we can conquer together in upcoming competitions this year!
